Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, only six months until our oldest son graduates from high school. What a journey it has been for him. We have watched him struggle to be understood and to receive a fair and appropriate education since about the second grade. He has had some dark, dark days due to a lack of education about dyslexia in the public school system. There have, of course, been some bright, guiding lights along the way like his fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Burnett, who is still in contact with him and still has influence over his success today and she’s not the only one, but also many dark days that no child should have to endure. When your child who is in sixth grade begs you not to make him go to school because he just can’t take it anymore, that’s messed up, something is wrong. His only ownership in this bumbling, perpetuitous, gross neglect of understanding dyslexia in our schools, is that he was born dyslexic and dysgraphic, that is his only ownership.
Payne & Mrs. Burnett
However, he is starting to see past his school years, maybe a little too far past. He holds down two jobs while finishing his senior year. He is an usher for special events on the weekends and he works in a fast-food restaurant. He’s not a lazy kid, although to my horror, he’s been called that all through his school career because some just don’t understand dyslexia and dysgraphia and how it slows a lot of his skills down, some things just take him longer to do, it doesn’t mean he isn’t trying to do them. When you have a special education teacher with forty years of experience tell you in a meeting that your son will be the first “true” dyslexic student, she’s ever worked with, that’s a problem since at least 15% of students are just like him.
Now that he’s eighteen our relationship with him has had to go from parenting and guiding him to consulting and supporting him, it’s a weird and tough transition. Sometimes the lines get blurred as we’re all adjusting to the transition of the relationship like trying to get him to keep the number of hours he works at an amount that will also allow him to finish high school, because he loves to work. I don’t blame him; he finally understands that he’s not the dumbass that he’s been made to feel like. He sees that he is a capable, effective and competent person, finally. As his parents, we’ve seen it all along in how he has continued to trudge on in school, no matter the obstacle and we’ve told him time and time again how intelligent and strong he is, but then he would go to school and run into someone that didn’t understand him because of his dyslexia and dysgraphia and they would annihilate his confidence. We talk to him about life after high school and college and he would always shrug and say he was too stupid to go to college, I know that’s not true and told him there are disability offices in college that we need to contact so that he can talk with them and try and secure the accommodations that will help him. Just a few months ago for the first time he told us he was thinking about looking into business or law after high school which was music to my ears and heart. Not because I want him to go into business or law, but because I want him to know that it is a possibility for him.
He's now talking about maybe starting out by trying a class at the local community college after he graduates, while still keeping the jobs that he loves. So, while I’m cheering him on from the sidelines now because he’s an adult instead of running defense for him like I used to, I cheer and keep pointing to the not so far off future of him grabbing his diploma because it’s going to be one step at a time due to all the trauma he has had to endure getting through school. It’s a slippery slope because he now sees that outside of school, he doesn’t have to be treated differently because he’s dyslexic and dysgraphic and he doesn’t have an IEP that some educators will bring up in front of his classmates, so I understand why he wants to run as fast and far away from the bad memories as he can but I have to keep reminding him that he needs to keep his work hours at a manageable amount while finishing high school because if he doesn’t, there is no running far and fast away, not without that diploma.
Now that he’s eighteen our relationship with him has had to go from parenting and guiding him to consulting and supporting him, it’s a weird and tough transition. Sometimes the lines get blurred as we’re all adjusting to the transition of the relationship like trying to get him to keep the number of hours he works at an amount that will also allow him to finish high school, because he loves to work. I don’t blame him; he finally understands that he’s not the dumbass that he’s been made to feel like. He sees that he is a capable, effective and competent person, finally. As his parents, we’ve seen it all along in how he has continued to trudge on in school, no matter the obstacle and we’ve told him time and time again how intelligent and strong he is, but then he would go to school and run into someone that didn’t understand him because of his dyslexia and dysgraphia and they would annihilate his confidence. We talk to him about life after high school and college and he would always shrug and say he was too stupid to go to college, I know that’s not true and told him there are disability offices in college that we need to contact so that he can talk with them and try and secure the accommodations that will help him. Just a few months ago for the first time he told us he was thinking about looking into business or law after high school which was music to my ears and heart. Not because I want him to go into business or law, but because I want him to know that it is a possibility for him.
He's now talking about maybe starting out by trying a class at the local community college after he graduates, while still keeping the jobs that he loves. So, while I’m cheering him on from the sidelines now because he’s an adult instead of running defense for him like I used to, I cheer and keep pointing to the not so far off future of him grabbing his diploma because it’s going to be one step at a time due to all the trauma he has had to endure getting through school. It’s a slippery slope because he now sees that outside of school, he doesn’t have to be treated differently because he’s dyslexic and dysgraphic and he doesn’t have an IEP that some educators will bring up in front of his classmates, so I understand why he wants to run as fast and far away from the bad memories as he can but I have to keep reminding him that he needs to keep his work hours at a manageable amount while finishing high school because if he doesn’t, there is no running far and fast away, not without that diploma.
I understand that dyslexia is understood and handled differently, state to state, county to county, district to district and even school to school so if you’d like to learn more about my son’s experiences in school you can check out our other blog posts. We share some of the journey that we have been on with him in our blog. I hope that once he is out of school and has some time to heal that he will share his story with other children who are just starting to go through what he has already been through but that will be up to him. Also, I always ask his permission to share what I’ve shared about his experiences and he gives me the thumbs up before I publish anything.
I’m proud that after all that he’s had to deal with and endure, out of the darkness walks a strong, young man.
I’m proud that after all that he’s had to deal with and endure, out of the darkness walks a strong, young man.