As the mother of a dyslexic child there is one certain memory in my parenting that makes me cringe. My son was our first born, so when we worked on homework for hours in the first grade, I didn’t realize it wasn’t supposed to be that way. I was brought up to always try your hardest and do your best. My son and I would practice spelling words again and again. He was a very smart, outgoing child and I couldn’t figure out why he was not retaining the spelling words that we beat into the ground. I thought he was just messing around so I would send him up to his room to practice, over and over and when he would come down and was still unable to spell them correctly, I would get on him for going upstairs, not working and send him up to work on them some more. That memory continually haunts me because, I didn’t know that he was dyslexic and I didn’t understand that he was trying his hardest.
I’ve spent many hours and many years trying to make amends for this parent failure. When we came to understand that he was dyslexic, we worked vigilantly to understand dyslexia, how he could be successful in school and when we learned that many schools didn’t understand dyslexia, we started working to change that too. I realize I will never be able to erase his memory of me sending him up to his room, him knowing that no matter how many times he walked up the steps and no matter how hard he tried to learn how to spell all the words on his list, he knew he would come down to hear me getting on him for doing nothing. He’s turned out to be a great kid and I don’t think this has scarred him, but it breaks my heart that I can’t take back what I did to him because I didn’t understand dyslexia, especially because I’m supposed to be in his corner and be his biggest advocate and I wasn’t at that moment.
While we worked on understanding dyslexia and the special education system to secure an IEP for him, my husband and I also worked at the state and federal level to bring awareness and change about how dyslexia is handled in public schools. Luck or the size of your bank account shouldn’t dictate whether your child ends up in a school with an administration and staff that will embrace the differences in your child, and with more awareness and understanding of our dyslexic children, it won’t. We’ve pushed hard for the last five years in the two states we’ve lived in and I didn’t realize how unyielding the push was until my mom spoke up due to this unrelenting drive and my frustration because things weren’t changing fast enough. She told me to, sit down, look at all the work we’ve done in five years and just take a breath. So, I did and had no idea of the volume of the work behind us, but do realize all the work that is ahead. Here’s what the work looks like so far: A trip to Washington, D.C. to visit and sit down with our then U.S. House Representative, Shelley Moore Capito (Now a U.S. Senator) and share our Son, Payne’s story and ask her to join the U.S. Bipartisan Congressional Dyslexia Caucus, which she did. We also met with then U.S. Senator, Nelson Rockefeller’s Office and U.S Senator Manchin’s staff, two West Virginia State “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, three North Carolina State “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, three North Carolina Town “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, two North Carolina City “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, ten pieces of introduced legislation in West Virginia (one of which was signed into law by Governor Tomblin) and two pieces of legislation introduced in North Carolina (two because we’ve only officially been in NC about two years, bi-state for a while.) All of this legislation aimed at raising awareness by defining dyslexia, bringing in interventions that work for dyslexic students and professional training.
I’ve spent many hours and many years trying to make amends for this parent failure. When we came to understand that he was dyslexic, we worked vigilantly to understand dyslexia, how he could be successful in school and when we learned that many schools didn’t understand dyslexia, we started working to change that too. I realize I will never be able to erase his memory of me sending him up to his room, him knowing that no matter how many times he walked up the steps and no matter how hard he tried to learn how to spell all the words on his list, he knew he would come down to hear me getting on him for doing nothing. He’s turned out to be a great kid and I don’t think this has scarred him, but it breaks my heart that I can’t take back what I did to him because I didn’t understand dyslexia, especially because I’m supposed to be in his corner and be his biggest advocate and I wasn’t at that moment.
While we worked on understanding dyslexia and the special education system to secure an IEP for him, my husband and I also worked at the state and federal level to bring awareness and change about how dyslexia is handled in public schools. Luck or the size of your bank account shouldn’t dictate whether your child ends up in a school with an administration and staff that will embrace the differences in your child, and with more awareness and understanding of our dyslexic children, it won’t. We’ve pushed hard for the last five years in the two states we’ve lived in and I didn’t realize how unyielding the push was until my mom spoke up due to this unrelenting drive and my frustration because things weren’t changing fast enough. She told me to, sit down, look at all the work we’ve done in five years and just take a breath. So, I did and had no idea of the volume of the work behind us, but do realize all the work that is ahead. Here’s what the work looks like so far: A trip to Washington, D.C. to visit and sit down with our then U.S. House Representative, Shelley Moore Capito (Now a U.S. Senator) and share our Son, Payne’s story and ask her to join the U.S. Bipartisan Congressional Dyslexia Caucus, which she did. We also met with then U.S. Senator, Nelson Rockefeller’s Office and U.S Senator Manchin’s staff, two West Virginia State “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, three North Carolina State “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, three North Carolina Town “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, two North Carolina City “Dyslexia Awareness Month” Proclamations, ten pieces of introduced legislation in West Virginia (one of which was signed into law by Governor Tomblin) and two pieces of legislation introduced in North Carolina (two because we’ve only officially been in NC about two years, bi-state for a while.) All of this legislation aimed at raising awareness by defining dyslexia, bringing in interventions that work for dyslexic students and professional training.
The changes we’re working toward in the state will come too late for my son because it takes a long time to change minds and pass legislation. All of this work and awareness and I still can’t erase the memory from my son’s mind of making him trudge up the steps over and over again to learn his spelling words. What I can do by continuing to work toward more awareness and change, is stop another mom from making the same mistake.
*My technically savvy children helped me put together a FLIPAGRAM of some of the adventure. Click link to watch:
flipagram.com/f/ahZ5UDdzUU
*My technically savvy children helped me put together a FLIPAGRAM of some of the adventure. Click link to watch:
flipagram.com/f/ahZ5UDdzUU